Break Out of the Box: Enneagram Type 2 – Speak With Confidence

This series is dedicated to illustrate and explore every day human communications.  It is my desire that hearing the breakthrough experiences of others will present an insight or opening in how you can create conscious communications with everyone in your life.

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In my work with my clients who have the Enneatype structure 2: The Helper, being able to speak openly with others and communicate what they feel and need, is difficult for them.  Their attention and focus is primarily on others, often neglecting themselves in their effort to take care of the people around them.  In this Break Out of the Box talk, I will share my thoughts on how the Helper Enneatype can grow and gain mastery in this area of life.

Has this ever happened to you?

You are with a bunch of people at a party or gathering, in a classroom, or with co-workers, and a topic of conversation comes up.  You have some knowledge about the subject, yet not as much as some of the people in the group.  It is a lively talk and everyone is sharing, except you.  You notice that you want to say something, yet if you did you would have to break in, as everyone is talking at once or there is that one person who controls the conversation, right?  You listen for a break and plunge in, but you cut someone off.  It is uncomfortable, yet it was inevitable.

Or do you keep quiet?  Your heart is racing and your little voice is saying things like “Does what I have to say make any sense?  Will they understand me?  That Control guy/gal is going to say ‘you don’t know what you’re talking about’”…and you actually believe you don’t know enough!  Fear pops in, and the voice is loud now: “I will have to stand up for myself.  Everyone will laugh at me.”

So you end up listening with an interested smile on your face and say nothing.  And this is the way it goes most of the time.  You just wish you had more confidence, it would be so much easier.  Sigh.

Let’s take a look at this thing called “confidence”.  How does one develop the confidence to say anything to anyone?

Confidence comes from a deep knowing of your own value.  The fact you were born, that you are here on this planet, at this time and place, has immeasurable value.  As unique individual expressions, we experience and perceive life differently from every other human being, yet we all seek the same basic things; love, security, and recognition that we matter (aka have Value).

So your unique perspective on life has value.  How you express yourself, what you are meant to share, in the unique way you do, from your point of view, in and of itself has value.

Let’s take this deeper.  What if what you were going to share is exactly what that other person was meant to hear?  What if they were WAITING for exactly what you had to say?   Seeking an answer, a validation, comfort or direction…and you didn’t speak up because of your lack of confidence or fear of what would happen to you if you did?  This is not far-fetched, and it happens all the time.  It would be like having the cure for a terrible disease and you choosing to hide it under a rock, fearing that it might be ridiculed.

In this awareness, trusting that what you want to share now has a different, more profound purpose.  It becomes our responsibility, an obligation in a sense, to express with confidence, to show up fully.  To recognize when the small voice is speaking from fear, rather than connecting authentically with other people.

There are corresponding rewards with speaking from a value consciousness.  The response from others can generate an insight in you that you did not think of, or a deeper understanding of your perspective.  In that, you have benefitted greatly.  Everybody benefits.
Tips to Break Out of The Box and Speak with Confidence:

1. Practice with friendly people and practice often. You will find opportunities everywhere.  Be open to when they present themselves.
2. Begin your sentence with “It is my opinion”, or “It is my experience”

• For example: “I watched that show and I experienced it as too much fluff and little substance.”
• “I tried meditation and my experience was I could not quiet my mind at all”
• “In my opinion, I would never use butter for cooking.”

1. There is no guarantee you will not be challenged. If this occurs, smile and say “I hear you, but I can only speak from my experience.”

A note here about the other Enneatypes:  Many of them have strong communication styles and are comfortable with sharing their opinions.  When they challenge you, it does not imply that they don’t value you want you have to say, they naturally want to engage and that is simply their way.

Remember, the practice is to get comfortable sharing your thoughts so that when that really critical time comes to say what you need to say, it comes with ease and confidence.