The New Age Parent: Parenting from Consciousness

As a life coach, enneagram specialist, and soon-to-be grandmother, my desire is to provide helpful guidance to the new or seasoned parent in creating the optimal environment for their child’s personal development.

 

We come into the role of parenting with little or no training and tools other than what we know of from being parented ourselves.  So, in essence we are either modeling what worked (unconsciously duplicating) or avoiding what did not work (consciously saying “I will never do that to my kids”).  Yet rarely do we parent to what the child actually needs to feel loved, safe, and important.

Either way, we are constantly projecting our own patterns and beliefs onto the child.  Our actions are automatic unless we are aware of what we are thinking and doing.  Whether the actions are supportive or harmful, most times we typically aren’t even aware of them—they are so ingrained, we don’t think of them consciously.  Everyone has witnessed the obsessed father who pushes the child to be a star athlete because it was always HIS dream.  This also explains how the patterns of physical abuse, poverty or violence repeat from generation to generation.

I believe if we are to provide the best environment for a child to thrive, we must know ourselves first.  If we learn what our own fixations and biases are, we can parent objectively as the child develops mentally, physically and spiritually.

The most valuable preparation a person can do to be ready for parenting is training on how to know themselves, meaning to know the difference between parenting from a place of mindfulness/awareness or from automatic reactivity.

I use a tool called the Enneagram to assist with this.  It is a simple and highly accurate system that shows exactly what a person’s biases and fixations are.  It is a personal roadmap to knowing yourself, specifically the automatic reactivity of your body and mind to all your life experiences.

Once you understand yourself, you will be able to observe and engage your child in an entirely different way.  You see, every child is born with a personality.  Undeveloped, ready for the gentle and loving guidance of a parent to nurture and develop their unique individuality, while teaching them the tools to successfully navigate the ups and downs of life as they go out to create their own full and satisfying life.  Isn’t this what we truly want to provide for our child?

 

I will be writing a series of blogs on the Enneagram as it relates to the parent and child relationship.  If you are someone who believes we can create a world that works for everyone, this is the place to start, with the children.  I hope you will join me and invite others.